I am really starting to lose it...

If anybody asks... I am fine

Always fine.

 

Ginger, We are all here to listen and support you. I understnad how lonely and frustrating this all can make you feel.    Also, try to think about all the things you HAVE done to prep for this---- remember that you are doing this so that you can keep your family safe---and just by planning for future, you have accomplished a lot.  I know it is hard, but try to focus on the positive things .

I agree with Corn, you ARE stronger than you think.  And whenever you feel frustrated, scared, or upset, we are all here to help you get through it.

I think we could all use some encouraging words from time to time. In fact, I probably had the worst day of my life today. (I won't go into details, but i am very depressed). But it did help me to come to this forum and to read some of the things posted in the Saved Sinners Room. I feel that I am not alone and that by itself , has helped me.

Thank you Spoon and Jackson, I will check out Sinners right now.

I am so thankful for all of you.  My husband is too.   He asked me today to find a group to speak with... I told him again about this forum.   He is stuck in Tal Afar, Iraq, but is very grateful that I have you all to talk to.....K..I am a lonely soul...and stressin' out... but I am so glad to be able to find comfort in this place..the news, the personalities, the Humor...  

Hang in there Ginger.

Ain't as bad as it seems. Thanks for letting us know you are having a rough day.

Remember the law of opposites. When there's something bad ...their has to come some good.

So tomorrow should be a good day.

Ginger, we all are overwhelmed by the enormity of what we may be facing. You are not alone.  You can add my pm to your list if you need someone to talk to.

Long ago, in a Galaxy far, far away . . .

I decided I wanted to become an EMT.  I was 18.  It sounded like a `cool' job.  And so, fresh out of high school I volunteered for a local ambulance service north of Tampa.  I had no experience (I'd taken a 2 evening first aid course).  But I was young, and very confident in my ability to handle anything. 

That lasted almost 5 minutes.

My first call was a 3 car wreck which happened 60 seconds after I arrived for my shift.  Six injured, 3 seriously, 20 miles from the nearest hospital. 

I didn't know how do do anything.  I froze at the scene, overwhelmed by the screams of victims, the wreckage, flashing lights, and human carnage. I didn't know how to remove the gurney from the back of the ambulance, I didn't know how to lift a patient, nor did I know how to use the oxygen equipment.  Had a volunteer fire department member not shown up at the scene, I'd still be there, 30 years later, trying to get the #$%# stretcher out of the ambulance!

The nightmare ride to the hospital, with  myself crammed in the back of an ambulance with 5 patients (#6 rode up front with the driver) seemed to last forever.  The time on the scene and the ride to the hospital was the longest hour of my life.  That no one died was simply luck, as I certainly didn't do anything life saving that day.

At the hospital, after we'd unloaded the patients, my partner told me to move the ambulance.  I'd never driven one, but figured I could move it 100 feet. I climbed into the drivers seat and immediately the siren went off. AND KEPT ON GOING. I couldn't find the `off switch'.  Everything I did, just make it louder. All this sitting under the covered ER entrance.  A nurse ran out and screamed at me to turn the $%$# thing off.  I couldn't!.

After a full minute, my partner ran out and hit the kill switch under the dash. Later, I found out there was a foot switch under the floor mat that I'd been hitting with my foot.  I was mortified.

I screwed up everything possible on that call. It was a total disaster. I Was badly shaken.  And was ready to quit that night.  I was horrified at my own lack of knowledge and skills, and wanted to crawl into a hole.

My partner, who knew how badly I'd performed, said something I'll never forget.  He looked over at a sweat soaked, trembling, ghost white, and traumatized 18 year old on the ride back to the station and said, "Not bad for a first call."

NOT BAD?  I couldn't believe it.  I'd screwed up everything! 

"Yep," he said. "You didn't puke, and you didn't crap your pants. Not bad." 

That night I spent a long time sitting alone in the back of my unit, trying to decide what to do.  It wasn't easy, but I decided to stay until the end of the 12 hour shift.  It was a small rural service, and there were no more calls that night.  And no, I didn't sleep.  Not a wink.

I reported back for another shift two days later with great misgivings.  I was still traumatized.  Everytime the phone rang, my stomach lurched and my heart jumped.  But I stuck with it. 

The next few weeks brought much less dramatic calls, and I learned the basics, studied constantly, and asked those with more experience to teach me what I did not know.   Looking back, I'm sure I had PTSD.  I was a nervous wreck, but over time, that subsided.  Within a month, I had maybe 30 calls under my belt.  My heart still raced with every call, but my confidence began to return.

From that inauspicious beginning, one where I was ready to quit and walk away the first night, I stuck with it. I became an EMT 4 months later.  Two years, and 3 thousand calls after that, I was accepted in the first Paramedic Class in the State of Florida. 

A year after that, I was granted the first civilian ALS telemetry unit in the State of Florida after a review of all paramedics by the Governors office.  It was a big honor, and the proudest moment of my professional life.

I guess the point is, that we can all be overcome by fear.  My life (and presumably the lives of a few of my patients) would have been far different if I had not stayed that first night.  It was a near thing.

What got me thru it was not bravery, nor was it skill, or intelligence.  It was the willingness of others to teach me that which I did not know, and to encourage me to stick with it.  Without that, I'd have quit. 

You have here a similar support system here.  Others who know exactly how you feel, deal with it (some days better than others, btw) every day, and who can help you and others learn what you need to know to get thru this.

If a pandemic comes, all of us will face new and unfamilier challenges.  Some of us, thru our life experiences, have some idea of what may be in store, but none of us are truly ready.  We are all `faking it' to some extent.  We all have moments of doubt. 

And yes, we are all afraid.

But I can tell you that within each and every one of us there is more strength than we imagine.  You will find yours. 

Anytime you find it in short supply, just look to your friends here. We will gladly spare what we can.

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Beautifully said Fla_Medic.  Fake it enough and one day you'll find you're doin' it.

Ginger..I really hope you had a double..my fav is beer in the bottle so when I have a few one in each hand is a double...if you read back about a week ago, I to freaked....I got a little upset with my kids and threw a mommy hissy fit on them...and I had to step back and see what I was doing, not to say you would do this(the mommy hissy fit)...I am a single mom of 4 (three kids at home) and yes i get so overwhelmed at times...but I find a day out of the house helps so much...and when our hydro went down for almost 7 hours the other day...I saw all the holes in my preps...we could not find the emergency flashlights(kids had played with them) and one is still lost...but we had candles and holders ready...but my biggest gap in my preps no way to warm up food...that is a biggie I am going to go look into...

Myabe admin can start a freak out forum on its own...not just a sticky gets to hard to scrool and look for new posts..I know we have the members room, but if you write specifically the freak out place..would be a place for to vent when they are having a bad hair day..just my 1 cents worth(hey the other penny went on preps)

Ginger,

One thing I've learned is that the more you face death and hardship, the less scary it is. After awhile you just kind of get immune to it :-0 You kind of work up a resistance to panic. Sometimes you get a bit weird though :-0 And REALLY politicaly incorrect :-0

Better to be getting scared NOW, than when everyone else is! I forget the stages of grief, but after awhile you hit acceptance. Better to be at acceptance when the SHTF :-)

I'll bet you are a LOT stronger than you think you are :-) I know that when I lose a safety net, I'm often surprized how much I didn't need it :-0 And afterwards...pretty pleased with myself to see how well I did on my own :-)

But those of us who have been traumatized, we become characters. We are REALLY good to have around when the SHTF, but sometimes...we FREAK PC people out in the good times :-0

You are married to a military man. He'll know what to do with you if you get a little battle fatigued :-) And no matter how weird you get...once the lights are turned off and you are willing...he really don't care how weird you've gotten. And as for everyone else...who cares???

 

Ginger;

Hang in there! There isn't one person here that has not gone through those bad days and nights! But we are all here for you! And together we can all get through this!

Meewee

Hi Ginger,

I KNEW you'd have a better day today!!!  In case another bad day comes, there is also the Support room on this website, lots of cyber-hugs there.  We can all relate, it's not healthy to hold it in so cry all day when you need to.  It always allows me a good night's sleep...from exhaustion!

You are a lot stronger than you realize...

 

Hey Ginger glad your feeling better today, cause you got to find another place to run to.  The antartic has birds too.

Ginger...

Just so you know, what you did last night was NOT a pity party, and no one looked at it as such.

As you can see... we are all pretty good at addressing the "Freak out" or "Overwhelmed" moment.  You know why?  Because many of us have gone through it before you, my self included.

When it happens, we just reach out and the group reaches back... the circle is completed and we get over one more hurdle. 

I like to say that THIS is about 33% of why this board is here.  And I truly meant what I said when you introduced yourself to this board a while back.... If you need anything... just ask.

Debi

    Honest to God... You are all so in my heart.  I am feeling better lately...have gotten alot more preperations acquired.  

 I really think that if the world had a grasp on the potential of what is looming that so many silly things would fall by the wayside.  

I keep trying to keep in mind the fact that there are so many people in so many impoverished countries, and I have to be thankful that we are really in such a good place to be able to do something to change our own futures. 

If anyone here ever wants to chat... discuss, vent, I am all about communication!!   Love to You All!!!!  And thank you for your generous hearts!!!