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Online Discussion: Tracking new emerging diseases and the next pandemic since 2005; Coronavirus COVID-19 Pandemic Discussion Forum.

Older people alarm their adult kids

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Tabitha111 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Tabitha111 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Older people alarm their adult kids
    Posted: July 14 2020 at 9:51am

Boy, does this sound familiar!~~Tabitha


As the pandemic surges, old people alarm their adult kids by playing bridge and getting haircuts



https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/social-issues/as-the-pandemic-surges-old-people-alarm-their-kids-by-playing-bridge-and-getting-haircuts/2020/07/10/e10aa6e8-bd7b-11ea-bdaf-a129f921026f_story.html?


When the pandemic began, Darcy Scott worried most about her parents, who are in their 80s and among the most vulnerable to the coronavirus. To keep them safe, her brother drove them 27 hours from Kerrville, Tex., to Churchton, Md., where Scott and her husband were hunkered down.


But after a couple of months, Texas started to open up and her parents wanted to go home. Scott’s brother drove them back, and since then, she has watched with growing dread as her parents have resumed many of their regular activities even as the infection rates there have climbed.


“Mom went back to the gym, to aqua aerobics. Dad went out to pick up the recycling around town,” Scott said. So there you go, we expended 11 weeks of our lives, and now our parents are wading around in a cesspool of germs.”


[...]



Various factors are contributing to this generational divide.


Older people in the United States are statistically more likely than younger generations to listen to conservative media and to politicians who have played down the dangers of the virus, and some may have followed their lead.


Others may be well aware of the risks but have weighed them against the mental and physical benefits of maintaining exercise and social routines.



Whatever the reasons, the dynamic can leave middle-aged people, many of whom may already be worried about their adult children going to protests or beach gatherings, feeling that they must also parent their parents.


“They were thinking about coming up north for the summer, and they told me they were going to fly, and I told them I thought that was a bad idea,” said New York City resident Karyn Grossman Gershon, 58, whose 88- and 85-year-old parents were in Florida when the country shut down. They ended up driving to the New York area.


“I then heard that my mother has been getting her hair done, and that made me crazy. She said, ‘The [hairstylist] is healthy, and I’m healthy, and all the people he’s seeing are healthy.’ ”

[...]


Scott, in Maryland, worries her parents don’t see themselves as vulnerable.


“They don’t believe the virus doesn’t exist, they just don’t believe it will happen to them,” she said. “It’s that sense of invincibility that I think people who make it into their 80s get — ‘I’ve made it this far when people around me have dropped like flies.’ ”


Her father, W.J. Scott, 80, said he appreciates his daughter’s concern but thinks she’s being “a little bit of a mother hen.


“Let’s face it, I’m 80 years old and I don’t have a whole lot to lose in the end anyway. It’s just at what level you’re willing to take your edge. I’m a Marine. I was in Vietnam, people shot at me, so this isn’t that much more dangerous than that, I don’t think.”
(my own father who is 89 said something similar- "I survived two tours in Vietnam and stomach cancer, I'm not worried"~~Tabitha)


Even when older people do understand the risks, it may not terrify them as much, said Laura Carstensen, director of the Stanford Center on Longevity.


“Older people in general experience less stress in everyday life,” she said, adding that surveys show that older people are doing just as well now as in pre-coronavirus times.


“They absolutely see themselves at risk, [but] there is lots of evidence that as people come to the end of their life, they come to live in the present and they stop worrying about the what-ifs,” she said.

[...]


“As we get older, we are more likely to lose the illusion of immortality compared to younger people,” he said. “Older people are more likely to be living with the awareness that they are in fact mortal and they have a limited amount of time left. Many older people are more conscious of weighing the risk-benefit based on the knowledge that they’re not going to be around much longer. So you make some different calculations than younger people.”


People in their 50s and 60s tend to still be invested in maximizing their life span, Thomas said. “The 80-plus, they’re the real lions of the human race. They’ve seen more, done more, and a lot of times may be more realistic about their end-of-life prospects.”



JoAnn Schaffer, 89, of Shaker Heights, Ohio, dons masks when she goes out and avoids in-person shopping, but she recently had her hairdresser come to her house and hosted a bridge party on her patio — much to her 62-year-old daughter’s chagrin.


“I have a different perspective,” she said. “I’m old, and if I die, I die. If it’s going to kill someone, let it happen to the older people. I’ve lived my life.”


Her hairdresser wore a mask, and they opened the windows. As for the bridge players, “we took our masks off. There was a beautiful breeze. These are people I’ve known for 30 years, and they’re clean.”


Her daughter, Ann Schaffer Shirreffs of Cleveland, said she knows she can’t tell her mother what to do: “At this point, she’s almost 90 years old, and if she wants to get together with three other ladies and sit less than six feet from each other and handle the cards, what can I say? There’s nothing I can say.” Still, she said, “I lose sleep over it.”


[...]


But Sepideh Sedghi, 51, of Beverly Hills, Calif., can’t avoid her parents — she lives with them in a condominium building — and she has underlying health concerns of her own.


“I think they were more paranoid in the beginning and now have become more lax,” she said. “There’s been this desire to maybe play backgammon or cards with one of our neighbors. My mom has been saying, why don’t we go somewhere for Fourth of July? And I’ve had to explain that even though much of the country is opening up, they’re older. . . . So every day is an explanation of how and why and why not.


“My dad has this attitude of he survived World War II, cholera, typhus epidemic, the Islamic revolution, and he’s not going to be taken down by corona,” she added.

[...]



more at link

'A man who does not think and plan long ahead will find trouble right at his door.'
--Confucius

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Usk Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 14 2020 at 11:33am

Yes my 86 Yearold mother In law is doing the same things. What can I say. No one can tell her what to do

C’est la Vie she says 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote EdwinSm, Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 14 2020 at 10:38pm

Good post.  

This raises all sorts of ethical issues, which are hard to answer.  On another forum there are spouses who have not been allowed for months to see their partner who is in long term care.  What is the balance with the old people between keeping them safe and their quality of life?    Should we preserve life at all costs?  Or are there risks that should be taken to improve the quality of life, even if it might shorten the life?

Covid-19 is hard because the ethical concern always involves others close to the elderly person (eg family and care-givers). Some of the existing guidelines (such as it is best to let a terminally ill patient to eat what they are happy with, instead of insisting on a healthy diet) don't really apply, as my irresponsible action in the face of the virus can affect others.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote carbon20 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 15 2020 at 3:17am

My 85yrs,mom,

Says being locked down for 3 months in the UK not seeing anyone,

Has had an affect on her mentally,

She does keep herself busy,(she only stopped work 3 years ago)

By knitting very complex woollen  jumper  patterns,

 she is quite active, 

her sister who is 87 says starting to drive again has been daunting.....

Mom was very worried about catching it and getting ill with it she knows how bad the illness can be,

 i think they rather be alive than dead though!!!!!!


Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.🖖

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote carbon20 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 15 2020 at 3:24am

My mother in Law (in UK)

Has not coped well at all with lock down,

She was having a few problems with  mild dementia ,but went drastically down hill, and is now in full time care, and can not be visited, it's heartbreaking to hear her on the phone when my wife calls...... 

She has no idea what's happening......

Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.🖖

Marcus Aurelius
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote EdwinSm, Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 15 2020 at 8:21am

Carbon that is so hard on your family.   Yes, this corvid also causes a lot of mental problems as well, and in the case of dementia it can lead to a quick decline.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Technophobe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 15 2020 at 12:56pm

I sympathise, Carbon.  

That must be so frustrating, saddening and make you all feel guilty. (You are not!  Let me stress that, You are not! It just feels that way, stuck on the other side of the world, unable to help*.)  Tragic!







*If anyone is actually guilty, it is the UK government with their shambolic response to this!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote carbon20 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 15 2020 at 4:09pm





All good, 

Such is life, 

Nothing we can do,

Mother in law is not aware of what's going on, 

the guilt is like when you lose someone, hard at first,gets easier,pops it's head out at odd moments....

I've lost  quite a few very dear family and  friends on my life journey......

Makes you more human.....

Take care all.....😎😘

Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.🖖

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote KiminNM Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 16 2020 at 9:53am

Yep, in this boat too. Dad and stepmom are taking some precautions, but not nearly enough to suit me. Mask-less around their closest friends who live in their guest house, who are mask-less around a couple of their other friends, who they went out to brunch with, etc etc etc.  

I'm waiting for results for a covid test (had some symptoms which have now passed), and my dad took his fricking mask off around me while we were weeding!
We were 10-12 feet apart, but still! (though, tbh if I got it it was probably from him since I've been so careful elsewhere). I was double masked AND had a face shield on so I'm not worried he got anything from me or vice versa that time, but the ease with which he did it made it clear he's been doing it a lot.

Ugh. Just ugh all around for all of us.

And HUGS to everyone dealing with this. 



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ViQueen24 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 16 2020 at 2:14pm

As a side note, negotiating the health care system with our elderly parents can be an adventure during this time.  My mother is in heart failure and It is starting to affect her kidneys.  In April, my mother fell in her bedroom at around 1 am.  It's just her and me in the house, and I had hell's own time getting her upright where I could get a bead on her condition.  She said she didn't hit her head, but she was clearly not oriented to time and place.  OVer her very strenuous objections, I called 911, and had EMT's come out. 

Meantime she had broken her pedestal fan falling on it, so on her instruction I went down to the basement to look for a replacement fan.  There was no fan.  My mother said, well ViQueen put It down there.  I said, I am ViQueen.  The fact that she didn't seem to know that didn't distress her, nor did the fact that she was going thru her mail, shredding bills and looking confused at the junk mail, which she normally curses at and shreds.

When the paramedics came they were onto her pretty quickly, and made her see that she was not oriented, so she let them take her in.

This was just the beginning of the problem.

This was early morning on a Friday.  I was, of course, not allowed to go with her, or visit her. They got her settled, and they eventually diagnosed her with a degree of kidney failure, which had caused a degree of intermittent delirium.  She improved over the next few days and she was on track to be sent home on Monday.

When I got up Monday, It was to five messages from my mother and two pages from the hospital.  They were sending her home, so I called my mother to get details on when, etc. When my mother answered, she was noticeably short of breath and complaining of pain in her hip.  I asked to talk to her doctor, but she could not be located right away, so I asked the nurse to have her call me, because I didn't think my mum was ready to come home, and the shortness of breath was concerning on many levels, not to mention the pain.  When I talked to my mother again, I told her I did not want her coming home until these concerns were addressed to my satisfaction.  My mother wanted to come home immediately, and was very angry with me, so she hung up on me.

Long story short, when it came time for the Dr. to call, she was given the wrong phone number and did not reach me.  I am not sure whether my mother gave them the wrong number because she was confused or because she lied.  She did lie to the doctors and nurses about her condition so she could come home.  When it became late in the afternoon and she still hadn't been released, I concluded that they were keeping her, and since she was mad at me, she wasn't calling me.  So I decided to go and run some errands and get some things we would need when she returned.  As I was just getting ready to leave, I heard a commotion at the front door, I looked, and the hospital had released my mother, and sent her home in a taxi, who just dumped her off on the front porch!

When I got my mother into the house, she was extremely short of breath and crying in pain.  I couldn't keep a mask on her.  To say I was furious would be to gravely understate it.  I got hold of her PCP, who told me to call 911 and have her delivered back to the hospital.

When she got back to the hospital, the ER doctor called me and told me they may very well send her back home.  I told her nobody that short of breath should be anywhere without among other things, a coronavirus test, and that her own doctor wanted her in the hospital, and the head of my mother's PCP group was also the head of Geriatrics at that hospital.  So the ER doctor apologized for the "communication gap".  She did not apologize for them sending my mother home in a taxi that dumped her off on the front porch.  She indicated to me that that was standard operating procedure when they couldn't get a hold of someone to take a discharged patient home.

The next week was a blur.  My mother had an infection that the hospital could not find the source of.  Their communication was lousy.  After readmitting her on Monday, I did not hear from her rotating bevy of doctors again till that Thursday, when I heard from a doctor and a kidney doctor.  They had still not found the source of the infection.  They were going to call in an infectious disease specialist.  That was the last I heard from them.

My mother herself told me she was having diarrhea.  I asked her if they had checked for C. Diff.  She said she didn't know but she imagined they had -- duh, no brainer, she said.  I told her to have the Dr. talk to me every day, since I couldn't go there, to give me peace of mind. She said OK.  On Saturday, I pleaded with the nurse to write on my mother's chart that I wanted a doctor to call me every day to report progress.  She said she would.  I never heard from another doctor again.  My mother improved enough by the following Monday to be transferred to like a halfway house to receive therapy to get her strength back.  No one notified me until I heard from my mum Monday evening that she had arrived there.  An earlier call to my mother's hospital room to talk to her, not knowing she was already gone, went unanswered.

Come to find out my mum did indeed have C. Diff., which her PCP concluded she got from the hospital.  (It recurred when she got home; Saturday will be her final dose of antibiotic for that.)  Her PCP was furious when he heard everything that happened.  He apologized profusely to me.  I was contemplating a lawsuit, and did indeed talk to a lawyer, which the PCP didn't know but probably could've guessed.  I decided against it because I believe this man was stretched too thin, and he has since given up private practice in order to concentrate on the Geriatrics dept. of the hospital, and a retirement home nearby. Interestingly, the lawyer I consulted told me that the hospital probably stonewalled me because Covid was preventing them from performing elective surgeries, their true moneymaker, so they were making money by ordering unnecessary tests and calling in unnecessary doctors to consult.  He told me to expect to receive a lot of bills.  And we have.

Anyone who is still with me to the end of this long story, God bless you.  I told it to let y'all know what it's like right now if your oldsters are in hospital.  Not good at all.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote carbon20 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 16 2020 at 2:42pm




ViQueen,

Stressful times for all,

Thanks for sharing your story.......

Keep safe, take care....






Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.🖖

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Technophobe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 16 2020 at 4:57pm

ViQueen, That was horriffic!  Surely, doctors can't treat people like that unchallenged.  Vets would lose their customers for behaviour half that bad.  I took my dogs and cats elsewhere for smaller infractions.

I can't help, but I really sympathise.  The whole concept of "medicine for profit" is wrong!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote WitchMisspelled Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 16 2020 at 5:13pm

ViQueen... I'm just speechless!  

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ViQueen24 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 17 2020 at 4:18am

Originally posted by Technophobe Technophobe wrote:

ViQueen, That was horriffic!  Surely, doctors can't treat people like that unchallenged.  Vets would lose their customers for behaviour half that bad.  I took my dogs and cats elsewhere for smaller infractions.

I can't help, but I really sympathise.  The whole concept of "medicine for profit" is wrong!


Thank you, Techno.  Yes, I'm afraid that crappy care like this does go unchallenged frequently, and is probably more common than we would like to think.  The lack of communication was the worst; I was very stressed every day not knowing what was going on.  My mother wants to die at home.  My mother is also a former nurse who knows how to shop-talk other medical professionals.  She was also in the grip of the intermittent delirium until she was properly stabilized at the halfway house.  So I don't know whether she conned them first time around in the hospital or whether she really thought she was OK to come home that Monday when they went her home the first time, but when I asked them how they didn't see that she was not fit to come home, they said they asked her, and my mother told them she felt she was "at baseline", and ready to come home.  I asked them how they could let her come home when she was that short of breath?  They said she didn't tell them she was.  I said, You didn't notice?!  Cuz I'm a layperson, and I sure noticed within five seconds of finding her on our doorstep!  They just more or less shrugged and said, "Oops."  It was very hard sending her back there because I didn't trust them to take care of her.  I only sent her back there because it was the closest hospital, it's where her insurance covers, and her PCP was head of Geriatrics, though as I said, stretched too thin.  Obviously I could've made some different choices if the US had some sort of single-payer-type system that was not for profit.

She is improved, no more C. Diff.  And hopefully she has kicked that, please God.  She is still short of breath, but that is also to be expected with the heart failure and now the beginning of kidney failure also.  But I can't tell you what it feels like to have a hospital, and supposedly Pittsburgh's UPMC system is world-class, take such crappy care of anyone, especially not being bogged down with a lot of Covid cases.  It does not bode well for any future visits she might have to make, and doesn't bode well either for me if I would catch Covid and have to go there.  I don't know if hospitals are still not letting people in to visit their loved ones, but if the conditions are still the same as in April, that is a helluva system for exploitation of people who have to navigate it.  This is why I wrote the lengthy treatise above, because I would never want to see anyone go through what my mum and I did -- it was ridiculous.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ViQueen24 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 17 2020 at 4:30am

And oh, btw, folks:  UPMC is also one of the systems in the lead in the US for research toward the vaccine for Covid!  Doesn't that fill your hearts full of faith?!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ViQueen24 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 17 2020 at 4:39am

Originally posted by carbon20 carbon20 wrote:




ViQueen,

Stressful times for all,

Thanks for sharing your story.......

Keep safe, take care....






Thank you, Carbon.  Now you know why I've never criticized you when you've called America out.  I believe if we are going to be a role model, we better be worth modeling.  And I do believe our healthcare system has a long way to go.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote carbon20 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 17 2020 at 5:22am




ViQueen,

I never want to "call out Americans"

I think you yanks are the among the most nicest and generous people on the planet....

Just think your administration is S...t

Lions led by.......?

You deserve much much better.....

Take care......




Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.🖖

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ViQueen24 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 17 2020 at 5:35am

Originally posted by carbon20 carbon20 wrote:




ViQueen,

I never want to "call out Americans"

I think you yanks are the among the most nicest and generous people on the planet....

Just think your administration is S...t

Lions led by.......?

You deserve much much better.....

Take care......





No, you're right, I meant to say, call out some of America's sacred cows.  You're right about the rest of it too, lol.  Stay safe!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote KiminNM Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 17 2020 at 11:36am

Oh ViQueen, I'm SO sorry you and your mom had to go through that.  It really is unexcusable, even if it is (partially) explainable. 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tabitha111 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 17 2020 at 4:02pm

Posting this here, because of VQueen's story...

https://www.cnn.com/2020/07/17/us/florida-coronavirus-patient-dies-hospital/index.html

Florida coronavirus patient went from diagnosis to dying in her daughter's arms in a matter of days
Fri July 17, 2020


Hortencia Laurens was nearing her 70th birthday when she was diagnosed with coronavirus on July 2.

Her grandson, Diego Fereira, told CNN that she spent her final days navigating the Florida healthcare system with a rapidly progressing illness.


"My grandmother was alone, she was scared," Fereira said.

[...]


Just days after her diagnosis, she would die of the virus -- wrapped in her daughter's arms -- on her way back to the hospital.

'Everybody is afraid'

Her family was set to go on their annual trip on July 6 to the west coast of Florida, but a week before the reunion Laurens started to feel unwell, Fereira said.

The illness began with stomach symptoms, but Laurens' daughters soon noticed she was very weak and not making sense, Fereira said.


Late Wednesday, July 1, her daughter brought her to the Memorial Hospital in Pembroke Pines, Florida, Fereira said. Due to virus precautions, his aunt could not stay at the hospital with Laurens, who had underlying conditions including diabetes and did not speak English.


In the early hours of Thursday morning, the hospital called the family to tell them Laurens had been diagnosed with coronavirus, Fereira said. On that hospital phone call, Laurens cried to her family that she was scared.


According to a medical document provided by Fereira, she was released around 3 a.m. on Thursday with instructions to pick up prescriptions and to call her doctor for a follow-up consultation in two days. But her family had no way to make contact with her directly, because she did not have a cellphone with her, and it was 6 a.m. before the hospital let them know she could be picked up, he said.

[...]

That Thursday night, still feeling unwell, she was taken by her daughter to another Memorial Hospital Miramar location, Fereira said. She was again diagnosed with Covid-19 and prescribed new medications for her symptoms, according to documents provided by Fereira.

Although documents from the hospital instructed her to schedule a follow-up visit around July 4, Fereira said medical offices were closed for the holiday and she got an appointment for early that week.


But Laurens didn't make it to that day, Fereira said.


Laurens' daughters cared for her over the weekend. She had a bad day Saturday, with fever, chills and body aches, but seemed to improve Sunday, Fereira said. Then Sunday night into Monday morning she developed pains in her chest, had a hard time breathing and was sweating profusely, Fereira's mother and aunt told him.


Fereira says he woke up Monday morning to a 2 a.m. text from his father saying Laurens was being taken to the hospital in an ambulance with her daughters.


In his aunt's arms, Fereira's grandmother flatlined in the ambulance, he said. An EMT looked on, frozen, and his aunt told Fereira that she had to shake him out of it.


"It just goes to show, everybody is afraid," he said.


Medical personnel attempted to revive her at the hospital, but she did not make it, Fereira said.

[...]


"I hear ambulances going to that hospital once every one to two hours," he said. "The thought of it, that my mom had to see my poor grandmother in an ambulance strapped up to life saving devices ... it's so fresh."



[...]


"The worse it gets, the worse it's going to get in hospitals -- and things like this are going to keep happening," he said.

***

'A man who does not think and plan long ahead will find trouble right at his door.'
--Confucius

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ViQueen24 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 17 2020 at 6:15pm

Kim and Witchy, thank you, and Tabitha, that story has me practically speechless.  Sigh...

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Technophobe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 18 2020 at 2:01am

Well, that is one way to ensure your hospital is not overwhelmed; send them home even if they are dying.

I am horrified!  Our doctors would be struck-off the medical register for that.

ERCD
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote EdwinSm, Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 18 2020 at 3:23am

Originally posted by Technophobe Technophobe wrote:

send them home even if they are dying.


I once worked (admin) in a health project connected to a hospital in a developing country.  Culturally that is what was expected....most people prefered to die at home surrounded by family and friends rather than in a hospital.  This was very hard on the western train medics as it was so different from their training.  


However, if people are shedding the virus right to the end then sending them home to die will help spread the virus far and wide.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ViQueen24 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 18 2020 at 8:57am

I agree in theory with my mum dying at home.  But if she's in pain, screaming and crying, both of which I have experienced with her through 26 years, that is rough for loved ones to watch.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BeachMama Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 18 2020 at 3:16pm

ViQueen, I’m late to this thread, but I am so sorry for what your mom — and you — went through. My dad was in the hospital several times a couple of months ago for GI bleeds, and although we had some trouble with communication, it was nothing compared with what you have experienced.  I hope that she is able to stay home now!   

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ViQueen24 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 18 2020 at 4:01pm

Thank you, BeachMama, yes, things are better now, although my mother remains in some level of kidney failure, and from now on basically her life is a balancing act between all the meds she takes, some of which stress the kidneys.  For example, she is diabetic and has chronic pain and neuropathy, but her pain meds strain her kidneys, so there is a trade-off between medicating her pain enough to keep her from being miserable, and protecting her kidneys.  In addition, my mother is also in heart failure, and becomes short of breath and tires easily.  It is sad to watch.  We live together, and I see it coming to an end.  But this pandemic has given me a gift.  Being furloughed means I'm at home with her more, and we've had meals together and had some laughs and great talks and talked about our memories.  My mother is my best friend. I wouldn't trade this time with her for anything. 

Cheers to you and your dad!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote BeachMama Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 20 2020 at 7:58am

Oh my goodness. What a beautiful silver lining to all the chaos in the world, ViQueen. I am so grateful that you have had time to cherish with your mom. I’m terribly sorry that she is drawing near to the end of life, but what a privilege to be able to spend this unexpected, blessed extra time with her.   

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ViQueen24 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: July 20 2020 at 9:14am

Thank you, BeachMama, yes, I am sorry, but grateful, too.  And there's no quit in my mum!   I am grateful to have her with me during this pandemic.  She, and my AFT friends, have helped keep me grounded amid the Covidiots.  There are so many of them that a person can begin to doubt things she knows, if not for Mother and AFT!

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